I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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