How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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