You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
