alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
