She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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