Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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