Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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