I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
