He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
