Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
