Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
