I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
