I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
