So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I am midnight drunk by noon
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
