Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
