Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
