Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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