Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The adults are the big ones right?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
