You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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