Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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