I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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