Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
