she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
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Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
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remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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