It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
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