So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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