im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
