Me. At least after what I've been through.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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