Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
