After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
