is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
there is glitter all over my balls
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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