you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
