i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
there is puke in my bra ... again
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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