We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
