She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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