so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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