Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Randomize
