Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
