Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
