She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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