I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
