when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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