Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
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