his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Randomize
