Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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