I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
