This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
