WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
