i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
