hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
