Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize