You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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