Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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