sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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