I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
