I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
