Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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