So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
