i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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