We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
