Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
