I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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