I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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