I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
