i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
