Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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