I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
