apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
