I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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