Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just forgot I was standing up.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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