I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
