so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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