I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Randomize
