the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
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we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
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Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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