I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
