i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
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He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
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I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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