just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
