I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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