you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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